True Meaning of Loving God

It had taken me twenty years from the time I had first asked Jesus into my life to finally learn what it meant to love God. To love God the way He wants us to love Him is not an emotion or a feeling. To love God means to lose self, to relinquish self, to set self aside, and to be broken of self. In other words, we must give God all our thoughts, emotions, and desires that are contrary to His so that His Love and His Life can come forth from our hearts.

I'd never equated loving God with John 12:24. And yet this is exactly what it means to love Him: "Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone [it will have none of God's Love]; but if it die [learns to yield itself], [then] it bringeth forth much fruit [God's Love to others]."

As God began to show me how moment by moment to love Him and how to give Him all my hurts and anything that blocked His Love in my heart, He did two very important things in me. Not only did He begin to remove all my negative emotions, but He also began to permeate my being with His supernatural Love for Chuck. Thus, I began to handle all my situations in a "much more excellent way" (1 Corinthians 12:31).

Example: Burnt Roast

Remember the incident I told you about earlier in this chapter when Chuck was late for dinner? About a year later, a similiar situation occurred.

Chuck called around 6 p.m. and said, "Hey, Honey, I have a free night. I'll be home around 7 p.m. Why don't you call the boys and invite them over for dinner and we'll have a great evening together."

"Terrific," I said. I quickly put in a leg of lamb, called the boys at their apartments and told them, "Come on over! Dad's coming home early and we'll have an evening together." We rarely had dinner together as a family because Chuck traveled so much.

Seven o'clock came and went, and no Chuck! 7:30, 8, 8:30, 9, and still no Chuck. Finally, at 9:30 p.m., he walked in the door genuinely sorry. He had met some "important" businessmen as he was walking out of his office, and they had decided to go out to dinner to talk over some business matters. He was genuinely sorry, but he had just forgotten to call us.

Now, my "natural" emotional reaction was still the same as it had been the year before. Remember something very important: Self-life (our own thoughts, emotions and desires that are contrary to God's) does not improve with age! No matter how long we have been Christians, our "self life" will be just as ugly today as it was the first day we believed.

My natural reaction was "to tell Chuck off": My roast was burnt to a crisp; the boys and I had wasted a whole evening just waiting around doing nothing; and the girls had finally given up and gone to bed. I would have certainly been justified (by the world's standards) to be angry and upset. But God had begun to show me a better way, a "more excellent way" to respond and to love.

All night long as I was waiting for Chuck, instead of being consumed in anger and frustration, I kept choosing, as best as I could, to give these things to God so I could stay an open and cleansed vessel for His Love. I didn't bury my real feelings like I once did or pretend they weren't there. I just kept recognizing them as they came up and verbally handing them over to God, thus allowing His Love, which was already in my heart, to come forth.

Let me tell you it's hard work, constantly choosing not to go by your own feelings. But how excited and thrilled I was when at 9:30 p.m. it was God's genuine, supernatural, unconditional Love that met Chuck at the door and not my normal human responses. I really felt no bitterness or anger or frustration over what had happened, because God had literally taken them all away. Chuck and I were able to sit down and talk freely and openly about what he had done.

[Note: There definitely is a time to "take a stand" and tell the other person how you are feeling. But we should only do this when we are clean vessels. Otherwise, we end up deeper in the pits than when we started. When we are cleansed vessels, the encounter will be done in God's Love. Then not only will the "lover" be freed from presumptions and expectations, but also the "one being loved" will respond from his heart and not his defenses.6]

Chuck was so sweet and apologetic that night. I know he saw the new responses in me, and I know he felt the peaceful atmosphere. We played games with the guys until midnight and had a great time.

My Diary

There are volumes of examples of how God's Love began and continues to work in my life as I stay that open and cleansed vessel for Him to work through. I kept a diary over those first few years and here are a few of my favorite entries:

August, 1976 (three months after we had the "blowup" and God began to work so mightily in my life): "Chuck called today while away on a business trip and said, `Honey, the only thing wrong with our new marriage relationship is that it's no fun to travel anymore!'"

How many times I had pleaded, cried, and begged Chuck not to travel so much. But nothing ever made a difference until I changed and allowed God's Love to become a part of my life.

September, 1976: "Chuck has begun to come home from the office at noontime now, just because he says he misses my company and wants to talk."

Chuck is a total workaholic. He would never take time off for anything. Also, he has always had a difficult time sharing personal things, until God's Love became a part of our relationship.

This last entry is the most precious of all...

December, 1976: "Chuck asked me today, `If you were single again, would you marry me?' He just wanted to make sure I was happy with what I had."

Focus On Jesus

When I stay that open channel for God's Love, and I keep my eyes squarely focused on Jesus to meet my needs for love, then three important things happen:

1) I am able to stop strangleholding and suffocating Chuck to meet my desperate need for love.

2) I am able to stop trying to conform Chuck into "my desired image" for a husband. I am able to accept him as he is and genuinely love the "whole package."7

3) I am able to trust God to fix what He wants fixed in Chuck, in His timing and in His way.

There is so much freedom in this way of loving. I am no longer responsible for how Chuck thinks, what he says, or what he chooses to do. I am totally aware of those areas that need changing, and I will continue to pray earnestly about them and will share them with Chuck as God leads. But my responsibility is not to try to control and fix those areas, but only to be that conduit for God's Love and love Chuck as he is (the whole package). However, the minute I stop looking to the Lord to meet my needs and stop being an open channel for His Love, it never fails I grab hold of Chuck, and once again, we both sink.

Loved Once Again

Of course, all this love and freedom has caused Chuck to "fall in love" with me all over again.8 So now I'm not only getting God's supernatural Love (as I continually lay my will and life down to Him), but I'm also getting back from Chuck all the human, emotional love that I used to dream of.

I know without a doubt, if it hadn't been for God intervening in our lives 18 years ago and showing us how to love with His Love, we would not be together today. God's Love has not only saved our marriage, it has turned it around to where it is a hundred times better than it ever was, even when we were first married.

Don't fall into Satan's trap, thinking that if God puts your marriage back together, it will be "just the same" as it always was. I guarantee you, if Jesus puts your marriage back together with His Agape Love in the middle, it won't ever be the same again.

Still in Love?

We were on a trip recently, and someone noticed how affectionate we were to each other. They commented "you must be newlyweds." We answered, "No, we've been married thirty-five years." "No," they said, "You can't be!" Their underlying thought was, "How could they be married for 35 years and still be "in love?" What a sad commentary on today's marriages.

Our kids, who saw us at our very worst 18 years ago, are now being reintroduced to the real God of Love. They constantly kid us about being "in love" and about being "lovers." They jokingly remark, "Oh, they're going upstairs again!" "Don't you ever get tired of hugging and kissing?" Or, "Don't you two do it in my house!"

How wonderful it is for kids to see their parents "totally in love," especially if they haven't always been. It is living proof that Christ is the answer to every problem -- if we'll only let Him be!

The Way of Agape is such an incredibly freeing way to live. What others see on the outside of me is now exactly what's going on inside. There's no more hypocrisy or phoniness because God took and continues to take away the causes of my hypocrisy my hurts, my bitternesses, my resentments (my sins).

Not Perfect

I still have negative thoughts and feelings, and I will until the day I meet Jesus face to face. But as I choose moment by moment to give these things over to the Lord and not dump them on Chuck, my kids, or my family, God's Love can continue to flow.

Chuck and I are not perfect by any means. Many challenges still confront us daily. But as we stay open and yielded to God, His Love can freely work through us and continue to reconcile us.

To me, maturity in Christ is not knowing a bunch of Scriptures, going to church regularly, attending prayer meetings, leading Bible studies, writing books or being on T.V., but simply knowing how, moment by moment, to love God. Then we can go on and love others the way God intends.

God's Love through us is the only thing that will bring our husbands, our children, our relatives, and our friends back to Him. It's His lovingkindness, in spite of the circumstances, that is going to draw them.9

Willing to Love

We need to be willing to love with God's Love, even if our circumstances and our situations never change. Our motivation is wrong if we are loving only to have our circumstances or the other person change. That is again conditional, human love and not God's Love.

A young woman in one of my Agape seminars illustrated this principle. She told me, "After I began to learn the Way of Agape, I never could figure out if my husband changed or if I just fell madly in love with him again."

Abundant Life

God desires us all to have His abundant Love-filled Life right where we are walking now. God's Life is: His supernatural Love, His supernatural Wisdom and His supernatural Power. John 10:10 says, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."

God is not talking about heavenly life, but life right here on earth. Right now! Abundant Life is simply experiencing God's Life through us.10 God wants us to have this kind of life, even in the midst of our trials and our circumstances. That's the miracle He's after. To me, this is far more dramatic and more of a testimony to others than all the "signs and wonders" in the world! Joy, peace, and love come not with the absence of trials, but with the presence of God.

The question we always come back to is: Are you willing? Are you willing to allow God to perform a miracle through you? Are you willing to lay down your will and your life so that God's Love can be released through you to others?11

1 John 3:16 says, "Hereby perceive we the love of God, because He laid down His Life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren."

God's Promise

Eighteen years ago, God promised to "make me into the wife that Chuck desired." I'll never forget the night (a few years ago) that God showed me He had fulfilled that promise.

Chuck and I were sitting in his library. Chuck paused and looked at me. "You know," he said, "I've been thinking. I'm a professional executive. That's my job and my role. You know what you are?"

"No," I said. "What?"

Chuck responded, "You're a professional lover!" I was so excited I ran to the dictionary to see exactly what "professional" really meant. It said, "a learned profession." I thought that very appropriate, because I have learned to allow God to love through me. Now, I certainly don't do it perfectly, but I have learned His Way of Love.

The Secret

The secret is that "I" am not the one loving it's God! He's the source of Love, and He's the One in the business of love-making. I'm the one, however, who gets all the benefits when I allow Him to love through me.

Oh, how our worlds would change if we would all choose to be "professional lovers." First, loving God with all our heart, will and soul; then, loving others as ourselves. This is truly God's Way of Agape.

"Jesus said, `Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.'" (Matthew 22:37-40)

"This do, and thou shalt live." (Luke 10:28)

For almost 20 years, I was walking right smack in front of God, blocking His way. Now God has put me into His Way of Love, and let me tell you, it's a much more excellent way!

Endnotes:

You can read our entire life story in my book, Why Should I Be The First to Change?

Hebrews 12:15

Be sure to read the "The More Excellent Way" in Section Seven.

See Psalms 119:70 and also Chapter 11, "Fat as Grease."

Be sure to see Chapter 11, "Nothing Shall Separate Us."

See Chapter 3, "Characteristics of God's Love."

See Chapter 16, "Don't Be Holy Spirit Naggers."

See Chapter 5, "Can Become a Blessing."

Jeremiah 31:3

See Chapter 7, "Do You Know God?"

Luke 10:25, 27&28 and Matthew 7:14.

Scriptural References:

Chapter 2

"Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." (John 12:24-25) "For we which live are alway[s] delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh." (2 Corinthians 4:11)

Why Does God Allow Trials in Our Lives?

(Deuteronomy 8:2-3; Psalm 107:25-30; 119:69,71,75; Acts 14:22c; 1 Peter 4:19; Hosea 6:1; Job 33:29-30)

A. Because He loves us and He wants us to be healed, to be whole and to have abundant life (Psalm 71:20; Job 5:17-18)

B. Because He wants our attention: 1. So we might see our true selves (Psalm 38:1-18)

2. So we might hear His voice (Deuteronomy 4:1; 6:3-5; 8:2-3)

3. So we might choose His way (Deuteronomy 8:2; 30:19-20; Psalm 119:67; Judges 2:22; 1 Peter 4:1-2)

C. Because He wants every hindrance removed that keeps us from being fully yielded (Psalm 51:7-9; James 1:13-15; 2 Corinthians 1:9b; 3:5; 4:7-12; Romans 5:3-5; John 15:2; Hebrews 12:1)

D. Because He wants us to love Him (Job 13:15; Deuteronomy 13:3-4)

Whole Purpose of Being a Christian Is: (1 Timothy 1:5)

A. To be emptied of self life, so we can be filled with God's Life (John 3:30; 12:24a,b; 13:37b; Colossians 2:12; 1 Corinthians 15:31b,36; 2 Corinthians 4:8-12,16; Matthew 23:26; James 4:8-10; Luke 12:33; Mark 8:35). This is the fulness of God (Ephesians 3:19; 4:13).

B. So others might see God's Life manifested and reflected in us, not our own self-life (Exodus 9:16; Philippians 1:21; Galatians 1:16a; 2:20; 4:19; Colossians 3:4a; John 1:16; 3:30a; 10:10; 12:24; 1 Corinthians 10:31; 2 Corinthians 4:7,11b; Ephesians 5:2,18b). We are to be in this world, as He is (1 John 4:17; John 12:26a). We are to walk as He walked (1 John 2:6; 3:16). "Laying our lives down"

C. To be a genuine witness (Luke 11:33; 1 John 4:12; John 1:7a; Matthew 5:16)

God's Way of Agape Is:

(Matthew 22:37-40; 16:24-25; John 12:24-25; 2 Corinthians 4:10-12)

A. Learning first that God loves us (Jeremiah 31:3; Isaiah 49:16; John 3:16; Hebrews 13:5b; 1 John 4:10) 1. Learning what His Love is (1 Corinthians 13:1-8)

2. Learning that He has poured this kind of Love in our hearts (Romans 5:5; 8:35-39)

B. Learning what it means to love God in return with all our heart, will, and soul (Matthew 22:37; Deuteronomy 6:4-6; 10:12; 11:22; 30:20; John 14:21a; 1 John 5:3)

C. Learning what it means to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39; 1 John 2:8-11; 3:16; 4:21; John 13:34)

READ: Deuteronomy 30:15-20. "He is our life."